Romance or Ick...?

What makes a romantasy trope swoon-worthy… and what gives us the immediate ick?

In this episode of Reading Rendezvous, we’re putting some of the biggest romance and romantasy tropes on trial. From enemies to lovers, morally grey characters and “touch her and die” to fated mates, jealousy, pet names and the infamous one-bed situation....it’s time to decide: romance or ick?

And I want to hear your verdicts too! Join me on social media and tell me which tropes you’ll defend forever, which ones give you the immediate ick, and which of my verdicts you completely disagree with. Let’s continue the debate!

Transcript

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Welcome back to Reading Rendezvous. Before we start, if you enjoy the podcast, please leave a rating or a review. It really helps other readers find the show. And I always love seeing what you think about the episodes. Today, we need to talk about romance. More specifically, we need to talk about the things books that keep trying to convince me are romantic. And don't get me wrong, sometimes they are. The tension is perfect. Chemistry is chemistry. He says one sentence, and suddenly I understand why people highlight passages in books. But sometimes I read a single sentence that makes me want to close the book straight away and stare at the wall for ten minutes. So today we are playing a little game called Romance or Let's go through some of the most common romance in romantic tropes and decide which side they fall on. Let's start with something that sounds harmless. Pet names. It feels like nowadays in romantic, using somebody's actual name is simply not enough. We need sweetheart, darling, princess, little one, kitten, and the rest. And this is one of those things where I generally think the difference between romance and the horrifying is entirely in the execution. A good pet name can work, especially when it develops naturally between the characters. If there is a reason behind it, it becomes something personal between them and sometimes it can actually be very sweet. Like violence for Violet from Fourthwing. I didn't mind that at all. In fact, I thought it suited her very well given that she was all helpless looking, but a menace, in fact, poisoning everyone. But there are certain words that immediately remove me from the story. And unfortunately, Kitten happens to be one of them. I know some people love it, I know there are readers somewhere kicking their feet, but sadly, I am not one of those readers. All I can hear is this. Exactly. And suddenly, whatever romantic tension we had has disappeared. I also think that the problem isn't necessarily pet names themselves. It's when the nickname feels a little forced. Like the author is standing behind the character whispering, readers are going to love this. That's when I become suspicious. If the characters naturally create a nickname between themselves, romance. If he meets her twelve minutes ago and suddenly she's a little fox, little bird, little flame, little menace, or little whatever, sir, learn her name first. So my verdict on pet names. I would say romance, but with conditions kitten major ick. Now we have arrived to my personal enemy. Scent. Specifically, why is everyone smelling everyone in a romantic? And I'm not talking about oh he smelled like pine or leather. Fine, we're outdoors, there is a forest, and you're wearing leather, whatever. I am talking about the extremely detailed biological scent situation that appears in certain fantasy romances. And you know exactly what I mean. Someone walks into a room and apparently immediately knows that another character is attracted to them because they can smell it. And every time this happens, I have the same reaction. Why? Why do I need this information? There are chapters in some of these romanticies where the scent and attraction elements pushed me so far outside the romance that I couldn't even get back into it. A good example of this is Quicksilver and Brimstone. I didn't mind the first book, Quicksilver. Apart from some scenes being way too explicit for my personal taste, I thought it was okay. But when I started the second book in the series, I was hit from the get-go with scent and arousal every other page. Come on. And in the end, I only got through a few chapters before I knew it's not going to be for me. And that is also okay. We don't have to finish every book or series we start. But also, this is a really good example of how personal this specific ick is. Because I'm sure there are readers out there who love this and that is fine. It could be many reasons, maybe because it's primal or instinctive or generally part of the fantasy. That's okay. But for me, it feels like olfactory surveillance. I really don't like the idea of anyone knowing that much about anyone else. Just imagine trying to have an argument. You're standing there making an excellent point, you've prepared evidence, you've got examples. And this man just looks at you and goes, I can smell that you want me. Ew. I would leave the kingdom. Not the room, the kingdom. I'll get a horse and I'll be out of there. So Vade Ick. Huge ick. Possibly my biggest romantic ick. Please stop smelling each other. Who did this to you? Now we're talking. These little four words are capable of making readers completely lose their mind. And I am one of them. There really is something about this trope that just works. The FMCs hurt, the MMC sees it, everything stops. His entire personality changes. Suddenly, this man who spent 300 pages pretending he doesn't care is ready to burn down a small country. And apparently, we are all fine with that. I am more than fine with that. Generally speaking, I don't think this trope is about violence per se. But maybe the idea that someone noticed. Someone saw that you were hurt and immediately cared. That is the part that works. But there is also danger, because once a trope becomes incredibly popular, authors know readers are waiting for it. And suddenly every fantasyman is wandering around desperately looking for an opportunity to ask who did something to somebody. If it happens naturally, it's excellent. But if I can practically see the author positioning the characters for the TikTok quote, you've lost me. This moment has to be earned. Who did this to you after 300 pages of tension? It's romance. Who did this to you 17 pages after meeting? Calm down. You don't even know her surname. So the verdict is romance. But it needs to be earned. And naturally, that brings us here to touch her and die. Recently, fantasy romance has somehow created an entire generation of men who respond to minor inconveniences with homicide. Someone looks at the FMC incorrectly, death. Someone insults her. Death. Someone touches her shoulder. Apparently we're overthrowing a government. And sometimes it works. There is something deeply entertaining about a morally grey character who doesn't care about anyone in the world except one person. It's obviously ridiculous and extremely unhealthy, not the relationship dynamic anyone should have in real life. But fortunately, this is fantasy world, and this man has wings or control shadows, so I think we left reality several chapters ago. This distinction, though, is extremely important. In fantasy, I don't need fictional relationships to always behave like healthy modern relationships. These characters are fighting wars. They're assassins, they're vampires, they're living in kingdoms where disputes are regularly solved with swords. So I can accept some questionable behavior. What I can't accept is when possessiveness becomes control. Because there's a huge difference between I will destroy anyone who hurts you and you're not allowed to make decisions because I know what's best for you. And yes, Tamlin, that's you. The first one, romance. The second one, Sir, please calm down. Protective can indeed be romantic. Even possessive can be romantic if done right. But controlling? No, never. Unacceptable. So the verdict for touch her and I? Romance. Definitely romance, and I am kicking my feet every time I am reading it. Jealousy is another dangerous one. Because a tiny amount. It's cute. I said what I said. There is something very entertaining about a character who has spent half the book insisting I don't care about her. And then another man speaks to her and suddenly he's standing in the corner looking like he's considering medieval warfare. That's funny, especially when the FMC knows exactly what is happening. But jealousy has a very short shelf life. A little flash of jealousy can reveal feelings that the character isn't ready to admit yet. But when I read about too much jealousy, it becomes exhausting. If every conversation with another man causes an argument, I'm no longer reading a romance, but about a relationship that needs counseling. In the right context, a jealous moment can be romantic because underneath it is vulnerability that the character suddenly realizes that, oh, I care, that's interesting. They learn something about themselves, and that makes them more real, more well-rounded. But when jealousy becomes ownership, no, you don't own her because you've exchanged meaningful eye contact twice. So the verdict is when it's a little jealousy, romance. Constant jealousy, ick. Everything has to be in moderation, including fictional men staring angrily across ballrooms. Now let's get to my favorite enemies to lovers. This in my opinion is one of the best romance tropes ever created. But again, that is when it's done right and it's actually enemies to lovers. Because sometimes I feel like we've become extremely generous with this label. The characters are not enemies but just irritated colleagues. He said something sarcastic and she rolled her eyes, and then instantly Amazon describes the book as enemies to lovers. No, I want consequences. I want these people to genuinely dislike each other. Hey, I would even take two people who would choose completely different sides of a conflict. Because then, when they slowly begin to understand each other, the romance actually means something. I really dislike when the enemies to lovers trope starts with, hey, I hated you, and then realize you're so hot and I'll forget everything else. I find it more interesting when the enemies to lovers journey starts with hating what they thought they were. When their understanding and assumptions of each other changes, and respect is starting to develop way before love does. Another subtrope within this genre is bullying. I think there is a fine line between enemies to lovers and just straight bullying for no reason whatsoever and call it sexual tension. I want them evenly matched. If he says something clever, she comes back with something better. That, in my opinion, is romance. But if he's horrible to her for 400 pages, and then we discover he was secretly attracted to her the whole time, well, congrats! You're in primary school, you're just short of pulling her ponytails and kicking her over swing. It doesn't work and it doesn't feel realistic. But luckily for us the readers, there are many good examples of enemies to lovers done right. Take starside by Alex Aster. Lovers for a chapter, then back to enemies straight after that. I liked that. Even Fourth Wing was done well. Although Violet wanted to climb Zaydan like a tree from chapter 2. Well, first of all, I don't blame her, and I love her honesty. But even with that, the enemies to lovers didn't feel forced. But I think the best enemies to lovers that I read this year was alchemized. Although the book was so, so sad, the way Kane and Helena's story developed, different sides of the conflict, slowly getting to know each other, very different backgrounds, it was literally perfection. That was enemies to very sad lovers done right. So Verdict? Definitely romance. You bully and belittle for an entire book and call it sexual tension? Major ick. Now I want to talk about something that isn't technically a trope, but it appears in romanticity constantly. That is the stubborn FMC. I love a strong, complex female character. I love women who make their own decisions. I love difficult women, angry women, morally grey women, women who make terrible choices. Give me all of them. What I struggle with is when stubbornness is their entire personality. She's starving, freezing, has one coin to her name. Someone gives her food, and all of a sudden, this is the biggest problem ever. Someone offers her somewhere safe to sleep. Oh, I don't need your help. Or gives her a beautiful dress, and that's it. We're starting a war. Girl, put the bloody dress on and eat that stupid soup. We can overthrow the bad guys tomorrow wearing a pretty dress with a full belly. I think the best example of this is how Aileen and Fera, both written by Sarah J. Mas, are portrayed. In Akotar, I seriously wanted to reach through the page and yell at Farah. Nobody is taking away your independence because you've had dinner. Where Aileen, after spending a year in the salt mines as a slave, when she is out, that girl knows exactly what she wants. Give her all of the food and pretty dresses. And bear in mind, she is a badass assassin. Strength doesn't mean refusing every piece of help offered to you. And I actually think characters become more interesting when they're allowed to be vulnerable. Let someone help you. You can still stab somebody later. So, verdict on strong FMC. It's definitely romance. But refusing soup on principle? I think that's an egg. Let's talk about faded mates. The universe has decided that you two belong together. Which sounds romantic. Until you think about it for maybe thirty seconds. Because what if I don't like him? The stars have aligned. Ancient magic has spoken. Our souls have been connected across centuries. Okay, but does he chew loudly? Because that changes things. I think Fated Mate works best when the bond doesn't replace the romance. I still want them to choose each other. I want the characters to fall in love before, during, or even despite the bond. If the entire explanation for the relationship is, oh, magic says so, I am not invested. But if the bond adds yet another layer to a relationship that already has chemistry, then yes. This is one of those tropes where execution. Matters the most. And I think Sarah J. Mas does it best. Fated Mates is strong throughout her books, but each of those characters chose each other way before. And when nature just got them together just because, like Lucien and Elaine, them not choosing each other is really present throughout the writing. As she said in her interview, sometimes nature makes mistakes. You can't force them together. And that is exactly as it should be. So the verdict is romance. There's actual relationship development. The universe cannot do all the work. And that brings us to the final trope for today's episode. And that is there was only one bed. Oh how unfortunate! What an extraordinary coincidence. Somehow, two people who definitely aren't attracted to each other have traveled hundreds of miles across an enormous fantasy kingdom, found the only inn with exactly one available bed. Oh Romanus Otters, I see you. And I don't care. Because I will fall for it every single time. And if he says, Oh I'll sleep on the floor, no you won't. Get on it re-sand and spoon faira. Some shop survive simply because they're just fun. And one bed is one of them. The verdict is simple. Romance all the way. Okay, before we finish, let's do a quick fire round with some of the most popular tropes out there, not just the one we covered. Let's go. Love triangles ick. Cheating major ick. Morally grey MMC Romance. Morally grey FMC even better. Force proximity romance. Growling? I'm allowing one growl. One. After that we need to call a vet. Biting depends, I guess. Let's say romance for now. Pet names? This one might just be me, but I'll just say ick. Let's just use our own names. Jealousy. Small doses romance. Possessiveness. Again, small doses romance. Controlling behavior, major ick. Enemies to lovers, a hundred percent romance. Enemies to lovers when they were never actually enemies. That's just false advertising. And finally, senting. Absolutely not. No more sniffing each other. Ick. So these are my verdicts for romances and eggs. This was so much fun to think about. Because I know everyone has that one trope they absolutely cannot tolerate while everyone else is sitting there thinking, wait, that's my favorite one. So I want to know yours. What is something romance books keep telling you is incredibly attractive, but every time you read it, you immediately get the ick. And on the other side was the trope you will defend forever. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave Reading Rendezvous a rating or a review. It really does help other readers discover the podcast. And come find me on social media because I think we need to continue this conversation. I want your romance versus egg verdict, and I especially want to know which one I've got completely wrong. Until next time, keep reading whatever makes you happy. Even if your fictional boyfriend can apparently smell you from three rooms away.